The Gottman Method of Couples Therapy is based on Dr. John Gottman’s research that began in the 1970’s and continues to this day. The research has focused on what makes relationships succeed or fail. From this research, Drs. John and Julie Gottman have created a method of therapy that emphasizes a “nuts-and—bolts” approach to improving clients’ relationships. This method is
designed to help teach specific tools to deepen friendship and intimacy in your relationship. To help you productively manage conflicts, you will be given methods to manage “resolvable problems” and dialogue about “gridlocked” (or perpetual) issues. We will also work together to help you appreciate your relationship’s strengths and to gently navigate through its vulnerabilities. Are you feeling lonely and sad within your marriage? Do you find yourselves constantly fighting and arguing with each other? Do you wonder if you can ever regain the deep feelings of love and understanding that brought you together in the first place? Lack of peace in a relationship can be very painful to both partners. But I am here to tell you that you are not alone. Other couples have struggled just like you and they have restored closeness, understanding, and joy in their marriages. I am passionate about helping couples restore their trust in each other, in themselves, and in their future together. I use a variety of techniques, including the renowned Imago technique, as well as proven tools extensively researched and publicized by Dan Wiles, Ph.D. and John Gottman, Ph.D. leaders in the field of couples therapy.
Instead of tackling the issues in a re-enacted shouting match with an endless runaround of ‘he says’, ‘she says’; I offer a safe place for couples to express the underlying feelings behind the discord. All couples argue. It is the underlying hurt, distrust, anger, and loneliness that erode the foundations of a marriage. One powerful technique I use to help couples understand each other is called doubling. In sessions, Jane complains that Joe is always on his iphone when she wants to talk to him. I ‘translate’ the complaint to represent what Jane really wants Joe to know. “I really want to connect with you in a deep way and when you’re on the phone it hurts me so much!” I interject. I continue using this method with both sides of the conversation, modeling for the couple how to communicate with each other, and how to understand each other. Using Imago Therapy I help couples work through their conflicts in a healthy way, a way that builds closeness and trust. I teach them how to limit the length of their complaints, use ‘I feel’ messages, mirror the other’s complaint, use empathy, and withhold their own arguments until they’ve given full due to their spouse’s complaints. Using these methods, couples learn a new way to communicate that builds closeness, instead of creating distance.
The most important component of marriage therapy is to build a strong healthy relationship that can withstand conflict, hardships, and the normal ups and downs of life. Using John Gottman’s tools, such as creating a love map, practicing gratitude, and more; I teach couples to build that closeness that will allow them to weather any storm with unity, courage and trust. Call 732-859-1464 for a complementary 18 min consultation or email email@example.com